My parents had opposite views about money.
My dad invested most of his earnings back into his business, so he could grow it even faster. Occasionally, he’d splurge on a new TV set or an expensive dinner for his big circle of friends.
My mum always looked for discounts, bought the cheapest of everything, and stretched every lira so she could provide the family with everything we needed and still save something every month for rainy days. Oh, and she’d always get mad at dad whenever he splurged on something she didn’t deem necessary.
As a young child, I learned that money is hard to make. You have to work hard for every cent you make, and you’re not allowed to spend any of it on yourself. I’d keep my expenses low, invest a little in my business, and save the rest for rainy days. If ever I fancied buying a beautiful dress, my mum’s disapproving comments were enough to stop me and keep me shopping at H&M.
The money story I had inherited from my parents were keeping me stuck in scarcity mode and away from the abundant life that my heart deeply desired and knew was meant for me…
What’s A Money Story?
A money story is your relationship with money. It’s made up of the beliefs, thoughts, and feelings you have build up about it since childhood – and it now influences every decision you take, the way you manage (or don’t manage) your finances, the amount of money you make, and the success of your business.
Here are a few common money stories:
- I need to save every cent for rainy days.
- I need to work hard to make money.
- You should always live within your means and never invest in anything if you can’t pay for it in cash.
- Getting in debt is wrong.
- It’s wrong to spend money on myself when others don’t have enough.
- If I make more than the men in my life, I’ll emasculate them and they’ll leave me.
- I’m bad with money.
- Making money means that I’m taking it from someone who needs it.
- Rich people are evil.
- You shouldn’t make a lot of money by helping people.
- Life is too expensive, I’ll never have enough.
- You should be grateful for what you have and not want more.
- … And anything else you believe about money.
Does any of these money stories resonate with you?
If you resonate with more than one, that’s normal. We’ve all adopted hundreds of beliefs since we were little. Your money story is likely a combination of them.
How Is Your Money Story Formed?
Your money story is formed through your experiences with money from the day you were born up until this moment. It comes from:
- Watching your mum stretch every dollar to make ends meet and save every extra cent for a rainy day.
- Missing your dad because he was working 16 hours a day to build his business and barely had any time left for his family.
- All those cheesy Christmas movies portraying rich people as greedy and evil and poor people as good and worthy.
- Your aunt casually saying, “there’s no point in even entering that shop, we can’t afford anything in there.”
- Your teachers talking bad about the richer kids at school or anyone who had more than them.
- Your grandpa making your grandma feel guilty for every cent she spent on something “frivolous”.
Most of these beliefs were formed before the age of 7! Before that age, you haven’t developed critically-thinking abilities yet. Instead, your mind is like a sponge that absorbs everything you see and hear as the absolute truth!
The more you hear a particular belief or sentence, the more likely it’ll stick to your subconscious and become your truth.
How To Identify Your Money Story
Now you know you have one, how do you identify your money story?
TAKE ACTION NOW: Here are a few journalling questions to ask yourself:
- What did my mum say about money?
- What were her money habits?
- What did my dad say about money?
- What were his money habits?
- Where do you spend your money, and is that how you’d like to spend it?
- What would you like to spend your money on, but don’t allow yourself to and why?
- What has been your money pattern in the last few years?
- What 3 words would you use to describe your relationship with money?
Identifying your money is liberating. Once I realised the beliefs that “making money is hard, ”“you need to save every extra cent for a rainy day,” and “splurging on yourself is wrong” were just what my parents believed – NOT the absolute truth -, I was free to change those stories and decide for myself what I wanted my money story to be.
TAKE ACTION NOW
- Based on everything written above, what’s your money story?
How To Change Your Money Story
Is your money story keeping you broke and stuck in a life that doesn’t excite you? Good news: you have the power to change it. Here’s how:
1. Challenge Your Beliefs
You now know that most of the beliefs you carry with you were implanted in your subconscious before the age of 7. Your brain heard them so many times, it internalised them as truth, BUT they’re not the truth.
If they’re not the truth, you don’t have to believe them. You can call BS on them. That’s exactly what you’ll do in this next exercise:
TAKE ACTION NOW
- Make a list of all the money beliefs you’ve uncovered from answering the journalling questions above.
- Strike every belief and write BS next to it.
- Now, play devil’s advocate. For every belief, write down all the reasons why it’s not true.
- Write a new, positive belief, that supports you in reaching your lifestyle goal. For example, “It’s wrong to spend money on myself” becomes “I’m worthy of investing in myself.”
- Write that affirmation down somewhere you’ll see it often. I’ve hanged affirmations on walls, had them as the background for my laptop, and even set them as reminders on my phone. The more you see and hear the new affirmation, the sooner your brain will adopt it as truth.
Related: How To Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind For Success
2. Regulate Your Nervous System
It’s not enough to change the way you THINK about money. You need to change the way you FEEL about it, too.
I’ll give you an example from my own life. Part of my money story said it’s wrong to be in debt and that you should always live within your means. One day, I decided to invest in an online programme to grow my business.
I thought I’d make the money back in 3 months. Six months later, I was deep in debt for a programme that didn’t work…
I felt so much shame for getting myself in that situation. Frustration at the lack of freedom I now felt. Angry at the person who sold me that programme… For months, those feelings paralysed me, keeping me from taking the action I knew I needed to take to get out of this mess.
I was avoiding calling my creditors, checking my bank balance, making a debt plan… all because I was too ashamed. Can you relate?
It’s not what happens to you, but the way you feel about it, that determine the results you get. Negative emotions, if you don’t know how to handle them, take you out of the game and stop you from reaching your goals.
This isn’t a mindset issue. It’s a nervous system issue. For you to take action, you need to feel SAFE to do it. And that means rewiring your nervous system, so that it doesn’t trigger fear and shame when you make a mistake as you change your money story.
Miss this step and, at the first challenge, you’ll go back to your old money story and the patterns that keep you stuck where you are now.
TAKE ACTION NOW
As you change your money story, give yourself permission to feel whatever icky emotion is coming up for you. Set yourself a timer to be with the emotion and vent out as much as you can. Then, take care of yourself. Tell yourself you love yourself and that you’ll always have your own. Remind yourself you’re safe and you’re worthy of whatever you desire. You can also sip some tea or have a bubble bath. You can’t do this work in your head. You need to be in your body and feeling the feelings to be rid of them.
This is just one tool to reprogramme your nervous system. Start there and, when you’re ready for the next step, join us at The Leadership Advantage, a proven system to help you rewire both your limiting beliefs and nervous system, so you can achieve your business and income goals faster. When you learn to manage your emotions, nothing can take you out of the game. Success will still take some time, but it’s a done deal.
3. Embody Your New Money Story
I’m a big believer in mindset work and the power of rewriting your own story. But affirmations alone aren’t enough to make your new money story stick. The fastest way to change your money story is to put the mindset work into aligned action and start living out your new beliefs.
For example, if you believe it’s wrong to spend money on “frivolous” things, what can you invest in this week? Maybe a luxurious shower gel? Or booking a massage to relieve your stress?
This isn’t about spending money on random things you don’t need for the sake of it. This is about creating your dream business and life. I want you to be intentional and think about something, big or small, that you’d love to invest in but haven’t given yourself permission to.
Or if you believe that rich people are alive, how can you put yourself in an environment where you can mingle with them and see they’re not all bad?
Whatever your money story is, brainstorm a practical way you can start changing it today – and then do it!
TAKE ACTION NOW
- Based on everything written above, what new money story do you want to create for yourself?
- What can one thing you can start doing differently today to create your new money story?
Related: Who Do You Need To Become To Build Your Dream Business?
What Happens When You Change Your Money Story?
When you change your money story, your fears and anxiety around money melt away and you feel safe, grateful and abundant, knowing you’ll always have enough.
This abundance mindset is going to manifest in every area of your life: your work, your relationship, your health, and your bank balance.
I went from being a workaholic who stayed on her laptop 15 hours a day to working from 8am-3pm – and making more money than ever before!
My lifestyle has changed too. I used to walk past luxury hotels, thinking I didn’t belong there. Now, my friends and I regularly go for an afternoon tea at any of the many 5-star hotels in London – and walk in like we own the place!
TAKE ACTION NOW
- What will be possible for you if you changed your money story too?
- Who else would benefit if you changed your money story?
Wrapping It Up
Your current money story is creating your current reality. If you want more money and abundance in your life, you must first change the way you think and feel about money. This work is ongoing, but so worth it. Once you rewrite your money story, you’ll be able to reach your goals quickly.
Imagine:
- Doubling your income while halving your work hours
- Taking your family on a luxury holiday once a year
- Finally buying your dream home – in cash
- Retiring your partner
- Sending your children to an amazing private school
- Donating to your fave charity
- And anything else you desire
This is what’s possible for you when you change your money story. What are you waiting for? Take that first step today.
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