Are you playing the victim in your business?
I’m not proud of it, but when I first started my business, I was in full victim mode.
Back then, I was working 12 hours a day trying to do all the things that I was told would get me clients. I was posting on Instagram daily, reaching out to my network, writing blog posts… You name it, I did it.
I barely booked any discovery calls – and when I finally got on the phone with someone, they had a long list of excuses why they couldn’t work with me.
I felt so resentful. I was giving people so much free content and coaching sessions – and getting nothing in return! Instead of committed clients, I was attracting women who weren’t serious about taking action towards their goals.
Does this sound familiar? Are you too working hard and yet you’re only attracting people who aren’t ready to invest in you?
If so, you may be playing the victim too…
3 Ways Playing The Victim Sabotages Your Business
Playing the victim sabotages your business in several ways:
- It attracts other victims to you: Like attracts like. If you’re always making excuses why you can’t invest in a coach, raise your prices, or work on the projects that interest you, you’re going to attract people who behave in the same way – and stay stuck and broke.
- It repels money: The clients who have both the money and ability to pay your high prices don’t want to work with a victim. Your ideal clients are all around you, but right now, your energy is repelling them.
- You give your power away: When you blame your clients, a bad economy, or anything outside your control, you believe you’re powerless and can’t make a change. You’re always waiting for other people and circumstances to change – and that never happens.
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How To Know You’re Playing The Victim
We all play the victim from time to time – it’s human nature. It’s just hard to see it for yourself. Here are a few signs you’re playing the victim instead of being a boss:
1. You’re Not Taking Responsibility
The first question to ask yourself is: am I blaming others for my current circumstances?
Back when I was struggling to attract clients, I blamed it on a global pandemic that made people reluctant to spend money, on potential clients that weren’t committed enough to invest, on social media platforms that hid my posts from my followers… The whole word was against me!
Feeling powerless to change your circumstances and blaming other people are two tell tale signs of victimhood.
When you focus on what’s outside of your control, you’re off the hook. You get sympathy from other people and you don’t have to do anything to change your circumstances.
You also stay stuck where you are. If you want to go to the next level in your business, you get to take responsibility for the only thing you can control in every circumstance: you.
No matter what you’re going through, there’s always something you can do to make a positive change. Are you willing to do it?
TAKE ACTION NOW
Think of a challenge that makes you feel powerless right now.
- What are your choices in this situation?
- What does taking responsibility look like in this situation?
- What’s one action you can take to change your current situation.
Here are a few examples:
If people keep saying no to working with you, how are you showing up? Is your message clear? Is your offer compelling? Are you selling or just giving advice? Are you enrolled in their victim stories of why they can’t invest or are you coaching them through those stories?
If your followers are not seeing your posts on social media, what are your options? Are you up to date with the latest strategies or do you keep using an outdated tactic? Is your audience even on social media or would it be better for you to look for clients somewhere else? Is your message clear and compelling? Are you engaging with your audience?
Same with a bad economy or whatever else life is throwing at you. When you come from a place of responsibility and ask yourself what YOU can do differently to get the results you want, you get back the power to transform your circumstances.
2. You Believe The World Is A Bleak Place
Another sign you’re playing the victim is seeing the world as a bleak place.
At the time I’m writing this, we just got out a global pandemic, we’re in the middle of an energy crisis, and the UK is entering a recession. Pretty much every other country in the world has its problems too.
It’s easy to see everything bleak and buy into the excuse that people don’t have the money to buy your services – even when you greatly discount them.
BUT… at the same time this is going on, there are women building thriving businesses and reaching 7-figures. There are more millionaires in the world right now than there have ever been. There are women who find the money to invest because they know it’s going to support them to reach their goals.
My own coach, the amazing Florence Andrews, went from almost losing her home at the beginning of the pandemic to close to 6-figures in 2 years. That’s the company I want to keep. She reminds me of what’s possible when you don’t buy into “the world is a bleak place” and you keep going for your dreams no matter what.
Who are you surrounding yourself with?
This may piss you off, BUT surrounding yourself with people who make excuses not to invest or pursue their dreams is a way for you to keep playing small.
As long as you tell yourself people don’t have the money to invest in this economy, that you can’t reach six figures, that what you want isn’t realistic, then you don’t have to get out of your comfort zone and take action – and face that fears that come along with it.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Surround yourself with people who are succeeding in this economy and going for their dreams no matter what. When you see other people doing what you dream of doing, you’ll start believing it’s possible for you too. Because it is.
3. You Believe Everything Is Happening To You
When something bad happens to you, do you take it as a sign that everyone is against you and that you’re not meant to do this?
When people kept saying no to working with me at the beginning of my business, I couldn’t understand why it was happening. If this was my calling, shouldn’t it be easy? I started blaming the global pandemic, the unfair IG algorithm, heck even the universe…
When you believe there’s no rhyme or reason for what happens to you, it’s easy to fall into victim mode and feel powerless to make a change.
It wasn’t until my coach said, “the bigger the challenge, the bigger the reward,” that I realised this was happening FOR me, not TO me.
Your challenges are an opportunity for growth. They’re not here to punish you. They’re here to make you stronger, teach you powerful lessons, and shape you into the person who can achieve your goals.
When I stepped into responsibility, I realised the people pleaser in me was buying into people’s stories of why they couldn’t invest in my services. This challenge was here to help me heal my people pleasing tendencies so I could help them overcome their excuses and finally take steps towards their goals.
When I was willing to pay the price of people not liking me and started challenging their excuses, clients started coming in – and they were grateful I believed in them so much to take a stand for their dreams.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Think of a challenge you’re experiencing right now.
- What is this challenge here to teach you?
- How can this challenge support you in going to the next level in your business?
- How can you practice gratitude for this challenge?
- List a few challenges you’ve overcome in the past and all the ways they helped you get to where you are right now.
4. You Believe You Don’t Have The Money/Time/Resources To Achieve Your Dreams
Newsflash: most people don’t have the money under the mattress to invest in a coach, connections with big influencers, or even supportive friends who encourage them to take risks.
Waiting to have everything lined up before you take action is a way to play the victim.
“I would, if only I could…”
As long as you believe you can’t make it happen, you won’t take action. Now you’re off the hook and don’t have to get out of your comfort zone.
If you truly desire something, there’s always a way to make it happen. You can find a way to make the money, get the connections, come up with whatever you need.
When I enrolled in my first online course to grow my business, I didn’t have all the money in my bank account. I had enough for the first payment and I trusted that, once I started implementing what I learned, the money would come – and it did. I made my investment back within a few weeks – and double my income within 3 months!
Not having all the resources already available isn’t an excuse to quit. It’s an opportunity to get creative and resourceful.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Make decisions based on your desires, not your fears. You wouldn’t have that dream if you also didn’t have what it takes to make it happen.
What can you do to find the money, get your husband on board, make the connections you need? Brainstorm a few ways and take action on one now.
P.S. What you put out in the world is what comes back to you. If you believe you don’t have the money or resources to invest in your business, you’re going to attract people who’ll have the same excuses not to invest in you. If you want to support your potential clients in making their dreams come true, you get to be the example and show them how to be resourceful.
How To Stop Playing The Victim In Your Business
All the victimhood signs I’ve shared above have one thing in common: they’re stories you’re telling yourself.
When you’re in victim mode, you bought into the story the world is a bad place, or that you’ll never have all the money and resources you need to make your dreams come true, or that other people are to blame for your circumstances.
You’re telling yourself a story based on lack. The way out is to rewrite your story based on abundance and focus on what you want to create.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Take pen and paper and journal on these questions:
- What’s the victim story you’re currently telling yourself?
- Write down all the reasons why this story is wrong. Bonus points if you can see how some of these challenges can help you get stronger and master skills to help you reach your goals.
- What’s your vision? What do you want to create in your business and life?
- What new story and beliefs would support you in creating that vision?
Wrapping It Up
When you stop playing the victim and start taking full responsibility for everything that’s happening in your business, you’re going to see a huge shift in the clients, opportunities, and money you’re attracting.