When I first started my coaching business, I worked with a 7-figure coach who, at the very beginning of her business, got 54 nos in a row. That’s 54 people who refused to work with her – in a row. Can you imagine how demoralising that can be? 😞

I swore the same wouldn’t happen to me. And yet… it almost did… 

I lost count of how many nos I got in that first year. Every no I got triggered my fear of rejection so much, one day I voice messaged my coach in tears: “Flo, all I keep getting is nos. Maybe it’s a sign I should give up my coaching dream and go back to my skincare business.”

Luckily, my coach didn’t accept that and helped me work through my fear or rejection until I got my first yes (and more followed after that.) 🎉

Here’s the most important thing I learned from this experience: rejection is an opportunity for growth. You can use it as feedback that tells you what’s not working, so you can tweak your approach and succeed – or you can let it bring you down and quit.

If you’re here, you’re not a quitter. You’re just afraid of rejection (totally normal). Here’s how to overcome the fear of rejection once and for all:

Fear Of Rejection: What It Is And Common Symptoms

At its core, fear of rejection is being afraid other people won’t accept you. It can show up in many ways. Here are the most common symptoms of the fear of rejection in business:

• You struggle to say no to client requests, even when they’re unreasonable
• You don’t ask for support (from your family, friends, and team) in reaching your goals
• You don’t support potential clients in overcoming their objections to working with you
• You create a lot of educational content, but rarely ask people to work with you
• You take on too many projects and requests from friends, even if it means not having the time to work on your own goals
• You don’t approach influencers, podcasters, and business partners for collaborations
• You don’t go live or share opinions that may seem controversial
• You hide behind the scenes of your business, never showing your audience your true self

How many of these can you relate to?

Why Do You Fear Rejection?

Have you ever wondered where fear of rejection comes from? The fear of rejection is an evolutionary mechanism that helped us survive.

Back when we were still leaving in caves, humans could only survive in harsh conditions in tribes. If a person would be rejected or exiled from their tribe, they’d die alone.

We don’t live in caves anymore, but your brain hasn’t caught up with that yet. It still believes that, if you do something other people won’t like, you may be exiled and die. Sounds crazy, but how many times have you thought, “I feel like I’m dying” when a potential client turned down working with you? Or “I’d die of shame if that influencer rejects working with me”?

The pain is real too. A study by social psychologist Naomi Eisenberger shows that rejection triggers the same brain regions that physical pain does. No wonder we all want to avoid it. But what’s the price you’re paying for it?

Why Is The Fear Of Rejection Costing You?

Rejection is so painful, you’re tempted to avoid it completely. But what’s that costing you?

• How much money are you leaving on the table because you’re hiding in your business instead of meeting people and selling, selling, selling?
• What kind of lifestyle are you not living because you don’t have the money for it?
• What are you not able to provide for your children yet?
• What projects are you procrastinating on because you’re fearing rejection?
• How many people are you not helping because you won’t make them the offer to work with you?

If you don’t go for what you want, you won’t reach your big goals and create the life of abundance and freedom you dream of for yourself and your family AND you’re robbing the world of your gifts and people of the help they need – help only you can provide.

How To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

It’s one thing to say facing rejection is worth it. Doing it is a whole lot harder. How can you overcome the fear of rejection, so it won’t hold you back from making more money and a bigger impact?

1. Identify Your Origin Story

When was the first time you experienced rejection?

I remember being the only girl in my class in kindergarten (I grew up in a small Italian village) and the boys excluding me from their games.

As a 3 year old, I didn’t know how to make sense of it. So, I made up a story that people didn’t like me and it was not safe to approach others with an ask (back then, it was to play).

When years later, I started my business, I tried to do everything on my own. Reaching out for support just wasn’t safe. What if I got rejected again?

You too have a moment when you got rejected and made up a story about it. That story has become a belief that is now running your business.

This belief helped you survive as a child, but it’s now stopping you from getting the results you want in your business. What’s the price you’re paying for this story?

Connect with what this story is costing you and then create a new story and a new belief. For me, that new belief is “It’s safe to reach out for support and business collaborations.” What is it for you?

Related: How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Do That Thing You’ve Always Wanted To Do

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2. Manage Your Emotions

I work with a lot of women who know exactly what limiting beliefs are stopping them and are doing visualisations, affirmations, and journalling every day – and yet when it comes to take action they still procrastinate. Can you relate?

This happens because you’re only working on your limiting belief in your mind. But your mind isn’t what’s really stopping you. Your emotions are stopping you.

Here’s how this works. That origin story, the first time you experienced rejection, left an emotional wound. When you’re about to do something that remotely resembles the events in your origin story, that emotional wound gets triggered. Your brain doesn’t want you to feel that pain every again and so it makes you procrastinate.

An example? As a child, I asked the boys in kindergarten to play with them and they said no. As an adult, whenever I wanted to email an influencer for a collaboration, I froze. The circumstances were different, but the fear was the same. What if that influencer rejected me, just like the boys in kindergarten had done?

This all happened subconsciously, in a matter of seconds. Consciously, I’d sit down to write the e-mail and, 3 seconds later, my brain came up with all kinds of reasons why I shouldn’t send it. And then, I’d find something else to do.

All because I didn’t want to feel like that 3 year old again! So how do you get over this?

I share the full process in the Self-Sabotage Solution system, a proven system to overcome the fear of rejection, so you can finally sell without feeling sleazy and skyrocket your revenue. You’ll find it exclusively inside The Leadership Advantage membership. Click here to join us.

But I’ll give you this one tip to get started.

3. Take Aligned Action

Mindset work only takes you to the point where you’re less afraid to take action, but it won’t remove the fear of rejection completely. The only way to completely rewire your mindset is to take action.

Your brain has collected proof over the years of what happens when you get rejected. Every time you’re about to put yourself in a situation where you could be rejected, it triggers self-doubt, nerves, and procrastination.

To change that, you need to give your brain proof that you can be rejected without anything bad happening to you. In other words, you need to take the action you’re procrastinating on and create a new story about it.

Let’s say that, like me, you’re afraid of approaching other business owners for a collaboration. You get to take that action and:

Option A: They say yes! Yay! Now your brain has proof that you can ask without being rejected.

Option B: They say no. You get to change the story you’re telling yourself and go: “This person said no. Let me evaluate my approach and tweak what’s not working, so I can get a yes next time.”

Either way, you’re reprogramming your mind not to fear rejection. Win win.

Wrapping It Up

The way to overcome the fear of rejection is to identify your origin story and the emotions that trigger it, so you can lessen the discomfort of taking action. And then take that action, so you can create a different story, be able to sell without feeling sleazy, and skyrocket your income.

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