Overcome Fear Of Rejection: 3 Non-Scary Ways To Get Over It

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3 Non-Scary Ways To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection

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Hi there! I'm Giorgia, a mindset coach + healer on a mission to help you heal self-sabotage, so you can build a wildly profitable business from your passions.

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the fear of rejection

Nothing stings like rejection.

I remember the first time I was turned down for a hairdressing job. Back then, I was so desperate to be part of the beauty industry, I convinced myself this job would be my foot in the door.

After a few hours of sweeping the floor and making coffees on trial day, the owner of the salon pulled me aside and told me, “You can go home now. No need to stay for the afternoon shift, too.”

I felt like I was being punched in the gut. The air left my lungs, but no words came out. I thanked her for the opportunity and quickly collected my things, running out of the salon before the tears at the corners of my eyes started flooding down my face.

I called my then boyfriend in tears. “They don’t want ME,” I said. “I’m not good enough for them.”

He tried to calm me down, asked me what their reason was for turning me down. “You can use that feedback to improve, so you’ll get the next job.”

Another punch in the gut.

I had been so crushed by the rejection, I hadn’t thought of asking the owner for feedback. I just assumed I was the worst would-be hairdresser ever and ran away.

I had made the rejection all about me.

Rejection Isn’t Personal (But It Sure Feels Like It)

I’m sure you have plenty of rejection stories, too.

Maybe you showed the first chapter of your new book to a couple of friends and they said, “We don’t like it. It’s not our thing.” But what you heard was, “They don’t like my writing. I’m the worst writer in the world. I will never write anything good.”

Or maybe a client said no to working with you, “I don’t have the money to invest in this right now.” But what you heard was, “I’m not good enough at what I do. No one will ever want to work with me.”

Can you see the pattern here?

Rejection is never about your worth as a person. It’s when you make up stories in your mind about it that the rejection becomes personal.



overcome fear of rejection 02

Why Do You Take Rejection So Personally?

Do you remember the first time you were rejected? 

Probably not. If you’re anything like me, you were too young to remember what the rejection was about. But your mind still remembers the way it felt. Icky. Shameful. Like someone tore out your heart from your chest.

Maybe some children on the playground didn’t allow you to join in their game. Or your big sister was too busy to watch cartoons with you. 

You were too little to understand what was going on. You just knew you asked for something or did a certain thing and people weren’t happy with you. At that age, you think everything is your fault. 

Now that you’re all grown up, every rejection threatens your self-worth. You feel like that little girl again.

woman writing with a pencil

Why Is It Worth It To Overcome The Fear Of Rejection?

Rejection is so painful, you’re tempted to avoid it completely. 

You could refuse to apply for a business loan for fear those nasty bankers will turn you down.

You could avoid going to networking events and meet new friends and business partners for fear they won’t like you.

You can keep your artworks, book manuscripts, and blogs to yourself so no one could reject them and tell you how bad they are.

But what kind of life would that be? 

A gloomy life where you settle for a soul-sucking job, unfulfilling relationships, and almost no time for your passions, with no way out to achieve your potential.

I know because I did all these things for years. The only thing I got out of it was a serious case of depression. Not worth it.

You know what’s worth it? Risking rejection for doing the work you’re meant to do in this world. 

Because, yes, you could fail. But what if you succeed?

Think of all the people you could help if you only started that business or wrote that book. Imagine how fulfilling your life would be if you spent every day doing what sets your soul on fire. 

If you don’t go for what you want, you don’t condemn only yourself to a life of misery. You’re robbing the world of your gifts and people of the help they need – help only you can provide.

Related: Why Going For Your Dreams Isn’t Selfish

overcome fear of rejection 04

How Do You Overcome The Fear Of Rejection?

It’s one thing to say facing rejection is worth it. Doing it is a whole lot harder. But if you don’t, your dreams will always be just that – dreams. 

How can you overcome the fear of rejection, so it won’t hold you back from doing the work you’re meant to do in the world?

overcome fear of rejection 05

1. Focus On Your Potential Gains, Not Losses

I know what you’re thinking: “If I try and get rejected, all I have to gain is a broken heart and a big dollop of self-hate.”

I hear ya. Us human beings are hard-wired to focus more on what we have to lose than what we have to gain. But what if you focused on the positive, instead?

Even if you don’t get what you want, you’ll receive valuable feedback on what to improve when you’re ready to try again.

You’ll also be exercising your rejection muscle. Every time you confront your fear, you’ll be a little less scared, a little stronger and a little braver. 

With each try, you get closer to what you want. 

ACTIVITY:

Think of something fear of rejection is holding you back from doing and answer these questions:

  • What would you gain if you succeeded?
  • How would your life improved if you went for it and did it?
  • How would the life of your loved ones improve if you make it?
  • Based on everything you’ve written above, is risking rejection to gain all that worth it?

Related: How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Do That Thing You’ve Always Wanted To Do

peonies

2. What Advice Would You Give To Your Best Friend?

Picture this. Your BFF is telling you she’s just written a book and is thinking of sending it to different publishers. But she’s afraid she’ll be rejected. What would you tell her?

Would you crash her dream? “You’re a horrible writer. No one will ever publish anything you write. Don’t embarrass yourself.”

Or would you support her dream? “Of course you should send it to as many publishers as you can. You’re a great writer and every publisher will be lucky to have you. And if they reject you, well, they can always give you valuable feedback on what to improve so your manuscript will be accepted next time.”

It’s easier to support other people’s dreams because you’re not the one putting yourself out there and risking feeling rejected. But rejection is just that – a feeling. A not very pleasant one. But, like all feelings, it will come and it will go.

When giving your BFF advice, you’re aware of this. You know she’s risking the chance of getting hurt for a while for the opportunity to make her dream come true. It’s a chance work taking. Remember that when it’s your turn to go after what you want.

TAKE ACTION NOW:

Next time you’re wondering if you should go for it and risk rejection, grab pen and paper and answer this question: “What advice would I give to my BFF about this?” Follow that.

Related: How To Fight For Your Dreams When Everyone Is Against You

coffee and desktop

3. Visualise Your Life If You Let The Fear Of Rejection Win

When you’re deciding whether or not to take that risk, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you want to do, you immediately think of all the things that could go wrong and all the ways you could be rejected.

It’s all speculation, but it’s enough to scare you off and keep you playing it safe. You tell yourself you’re not ready yet and you’ll get round to it one day. Too often, that day never comes.

What you never do is imagine what your life would be like if you never took that chance in the first place.  

TAKE ACTION NOW:

Close your eyes and think of something you want to accomplish in your life. What would you life be like if you never took that risk? Feel it, in every cell of your body.

Now, visualise yourself taking that risk. What would your life be like if you did take the risk of rejection? Feel it in every cell of your body.

Which of the two scenarios is the most painful?

If that something is really important to you, you’ll find the fear of rejection doesn’t hurt anywhere near as bad as not going after what you want in the first place.

overcome fear of rejection 01

Wrapping It Up

The key to overcome the fear of rejection is to focus on what you have to gain and your vision and treat yourself like you’d treat your BFF. And remember, not going for your dreams hurts, too – A LOT more.

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I'm Giorgia, mindset coach and healer on a mission to help you heal self-sabotage, so you can finally reach the big biz + income goals that have eluded you up until now.

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