How do you stay calm when faced with a setback that could ruin your business?
Three years ago, my accountant disappeared right in the middle of tax season. The last email I got from him mentioned he had asked the tax office for a 2 weeks extension to file and pay my corporate tax return. “Don’t worry Giorgia,” he said, “worst case scenario, my insurance will kick in and pay any penalty for late filing.”
Then… crickets. As the deadline approached, I emailed, texted, and called him every day. He never replied.
The day before the extension period ran out, he finally sent me an email: “I resign from being your accountant.” No explanation for his resignation. No mention of what was happening with my corporate tax return – of if he had started working on my personal tax return due two weeks later. I took a deep breath, calmed down, and asked my friends if they could recommend me a good accountant.
Then, all hell broke loose.
My new accountant told me he needed to notify my old accountant and have him hand over my financial information – easier said than done. My old accountant – unresponsive to all my attempts to contact him up until that point – started sending me some weird emails about having to pay some three months notice fee he had never mentioned before. It certainly was not in any contract I had signed.
I totally freaked out.
I immediately realised fixing this mess would take more time, money, and hassle than I had planned… and my mind already jumped to the worst case scenario. I’d be forced to file so late, I’d get a huge tax bill I wouldn’t be able to pay. I’d be dragged to the courts. Forced to shut down my business.
Take a deep breath, Giorgia…
In the past, a challenge like this would have set me back for weeks, if not months.
This time, I cried, raged, and lied awake in bed for 4 days, worrying about all the ways it could go wrong. Then, I calmed down, got my act together, and started dealing with the problem at hand.
It’s normal to freak out when you’re faced with a setback, especially when it comes completely unexpected. The key to a successful resolution is to stay calm in the face of it. Here’s how:
Why You Need To Stay Calm During A Setback
How do you train yourself to stay calm when life throws you a big curveball and nothing goes your way?
Your brain interprets any setback as a threat to your survival, triggering the fight, flight, or flee response. Next thing you know, you feel panic, fear, anger, frustration , sadness…
It’s a totally normal reaction to be scared, feel hurt, and blame whoever caused this setback for you. But these emotions keep you stuck in victim mode. As long as you see yourself as a victim, you won’t be able to take action to fix the situation and get back on your feet.
Let’s be clear: I’m not saying bad things don’t happen to good people. They do. But staying in victim mode doesn’t help you face setbacks and get out of trouble. It only prolongs an unpleasant situation.
Being able to stay calm in the face of setbacks puts you back in control of the situation. Your nervous system isn’t triggered, so you can think about your next move with a clean head. No matter how bad it initially seemed, you can always find a solution to the problem and emerge on the other side stronger.
How To Stay Calm During A Setback
Here’s how I stay calm in the face of a setback:
Step 1: Feel Your Emotions
When life throws you a curve ball and you’re dealing with a setback you never even saw coming, your nervous system often goes in a state of shock. You start freaking out. Anger. Frustration. Resentment. Shame. All the bad feelings rise to the surface.
Your first instinct is to numb them away. But, that always backfires. What you resist, persists. The more you try to fight your emotions, the longer they’ll last.
Emotions are just messengers. Anger is telling you what boundaries were violated. Fear wants you to spot dangers, so you can avoid them. Frustration means you need to change your approach to the situation. Once you get the message, that emotion will fade away – usually in a matter of minutes.
So whatever emotion you’re feeling, give yourself permission to feel them. If you feel like crying, cry. If you’re angry, punch a pillow. If you feel resentment, set a timer for 10 minutes and vomit out all the reasons you’re feeling resentful.
When my accountant disappeared, I felt betrayed. I had worked with this person for years. How could they do this to me? Then I felt fear that escalated into panic. And shame for allowing this all to happen. Instead of staying silent, I allowed myself to feel these emotions and talk to my friends about them.
The more I did, the more I defused the emotional charge and the sooner I went back to feeling neutral about the situation – that’s where you want to be. As long as you feel emotional charge over a situation, you won’t be able to take the action you need to take.
Once you take the emotional charge off the setback, you’ll be able to deal with it with a clear head. You’ll be surprised how quickly that happens, too.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Whenever you feel a negative emotion, allow yourself to feel it. Then, ask yourself: “What are you trying to tell me, fear/anger/frustration/other emotion?” The sooner you hear the message, the sooner the emotion will vanish.
Related: What To Do When You Feel Discouraged While Chasing Your Dreams
Step 2: Take Responsibility For The Setback
When life throws you a curve ball or someone hurts you, your first instinct is to cry out, “Why this? Why me?” That’s human – and the reason why feeling your emotions is the first step to stay calm in the face of a setback.
The second step is taking responsibility for anything that happens in your life, including the bad things that are not your fault. Let me explain what I mean by that.
I’m not saying that everything that happens to you is your fault. But pointing the finger and placing the blame doesn’t help you in the face of setbacks. The truth is, you can’t control other people or external events. You can only control yourself and your response to situations.
Taking responsibility means acknowledging that anything in your life, including setbacks, happen FOR you. They happens so you can learn a lesson, break through a dysfunctional pattern, or heal an old wound.
My old accountant had always been unreliable. I knew he had a tendency to leave work until the last minute and I had already been fined for one of his mistakes in the past. So why didn’t I switch accountant sooner?
I wish I could say I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But this is a pattern for me. I hate breaking up with people, be they an old friend I have nothing in common with anymore or an unreliable accountant I only saw a couple of times a year.
This was life’s way of letting me know that, to go to the next level both in life and business, I have to break up with people who aren’t supporting me and having my best interests at heart.
What’s your setback trying to teach you? Learn the lesson, so you won’t have to go through it ever again.
TAKE ACTION NOW
After the emotions have run their course, grab pen and paper and answer these questions:
- Where else does this problem show up in my life?
- Is this a pattern for me?
- What lesson is this setback here to teach me?
- In what ways, will overcoming this setback set me up for success?
Related: It’s Not Failure. It’s Feedback.
Step 3: Choose Your Response
It’s hard to make a decision when you’re overcome with anger, fear, or anxiety. And if you do, it’s likely driven by those emotions, so it’ll badly backfire.
Wait until that wave of intense emotion has passed, identify the lesson your setback is teaching you, and make a plan from there.
From this place of power, choose your response. Here’s how:
- If you believed anything is possible, what would be your ideal resolution?
- If you weren’t afraid and believed that scenario is possible, what action would you take?
- If you don’t know what the next step is, or the next step requires legal advice, who can you ask to get the support you need?
I didn’t know how to deal with this tax mess, so I asked my new accountant for advice and let him guide me through the process. Turns out, all I had to do was contact the tax office to let them know what was going on and wait one month till he could take over my financial affairs.
All that panic for nothing…
You get what you focus on. When you focus on problems, you see all the ways this mess could get worse. When you focus on solutions, you see all the things you can do to fix it and come out of it stronger.
What are you going to focus on?
This is exactly what we do in The Leadership Advantage, a proven system designed to help you become the leader your business needs and reach your big goals in 90 days. You’ll rewire your nervous system, so it doesn’t trigger panic when you’re facing a setback. Then, you’ll break through the patterns that generate these setbacks in the first place, so you can reach your goals without unnecessary worries. Click here to join us now.
TAKE ACTION NOW
Now you know what your emotions are trying to tell you, brainstorm a few possible solution to fix this problem. Pick one and take action on it.
Related: How To Stop Worrying And Start Taking Action Towards Your Goals
Wrapping It Up
A setback can feel like the end of the world. But it’s just a temporary hiccup. You can stay calm in the face of it and overcome it without too much stress and worry by releasing your emotions, taking responsibility for the event, and choosing the best response with a clear head.
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