I have a note on my wall that says “thoughts become things.” It’s a daily reminder that my thoughts create my reality.

I remember the first time my coach told me this. I wanted to punch her in the face through the screen. I had gotten myself in debt to invest in coaching programmes to build my business… and had no clients!

I certainly was NOT creating this!

And yet…

It was a hard pill to swallow, but the cycle of self-sabotage does start with your thoughts. If you don’t have what you say you want – in my case, clients -, it all starts with a thought that influences the actions you take and the results you get.

If you’re serious about reaching the goals that have been eluding you for a long time, go all the way back to the original thought that’s subconsciously creating the lack of results you’re experiencing. Change that and you’ll be surprised by how quickly you’ll break through your current plateau and reach your big goals.

Here’s how the cycle of self-sabotage works and how your thoughts create your reality – and, most importantly, how to think your way to your next business level.

What “Creating Your Reality” Really Means

Before we go any further, let me say this. If you’re going through a tough time – your business is failing or you’re high in debt, for example -, it can be triggering to hear that your thoughts create your reality. Why would people choose bad things to happen to them? Isn’t that blaming the victim?

Here’s how I like to explain this to people. There are things in life you can’t control. Like the family you’re born into. Natural disasters. The death of a loved one. These things happen whether you want to or not. Nothing you can do about them.

But, there are many more things you can control. You can control how you behave at a networking event. You can control how you run a business. You can control how you spend your money.

These decisions are based on your thoughts and feelings about the events you’re experiencing – and that’s what creating your reality. Denying that is giving your power away.

Related: 4 Ways Playing The Victim Is Sabotaging Your Business

How Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

Let me take you through the cycle of self-sabotage, so you can understand how your thoughts create your reality:

Step 1: Your Identity Influences Your Thought

A thought is just a thought until you think it a million times. Once you assign truth to it, it becomes your identity.

An introvert in a small Italian village where everyone was loud and chatty, I was quickly labelled shy – and I believed it. If everyone said it, it must have been true, right?

That shy identity started influencing the thoughts I had. When I became a coach, in the back of my mind, I was constantly thinking:

• I’m too shy to get clients.
• I’m too awkward. Why would anyone want to work with me?
• All the coaches I admire, like Tony Robbins and Marie Forleo, are loud and extroverted. Who would want to work with me?
• I’m too shy to do lives/go to networking events/host a masterclass. How am I going to get clients?

These thoughts were influencing my emotions, starting a negative cycle that would become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Related: Negative Self-Talk: Why It’s Sabotaging Your Business (And How To Stop It)

Step 2: Your Thoughts Influence Your Emotions

The thoughts you think determine how you feel about taking a certain action. I knew that, in order to get clients and build a successful business, I had to go to networking events and mastering the art of public speaking.

But every time I was about to enter a networking room or go live on Instagram, I started thinking “I’m too shy for this. It’s not gonna work. No one will like me.”

Those thoughts generated fear of not being liked. Anxiety about saying the wrong thing. Frustration at not being a better networker already.

You see where this is going. I felt so uncomfortable and anxious as I entered the room, that I was energetically repelling people and opportunities.

Step 3: Your Emotions Influence Your Actions

By the time I entered the room, I was so convinced no one would talk to me or like me, I acted like it.

Instead of scanning the room to see who I could approach and introduce myself, I went straight to a corner and started playing with my phone (so I wouldn’t look like a complete loser!), hoping someone would come and talk to me (while my body language clearly said “stay away!).

On the rare occasion someone came and talked to me, I was so nervous, I talked too fast and blurbed out a pitch that made no sense. People quickly excused themselves and left.

Step 4: Your Actions Determine Your Results

Your actions determine the results you get. I went to networking events to get clients, but playing on my phone waiting for someone to talk to me – and feeling too nervous to do so when someone did – didn’t (surprisingly!) results in any clients or business partners.

My actions didn’t match those of someone who wanted to get clients. They matched those of someone who did NOT want to get clients.

No matter how much money I invested in coaching to get the right strategies. As long as I implemented them full of fear and anxiety, I wasn’t gonna get the results I wanted.

Step 5: Your Results Determine Your Identity

My lack of results – no clients despite putting myself out there (to the extent I was comfortable with – I was in the room, but not showing up as a leader), reinforced my identity.

“See, I tried! I did go to the networking event. I did put myself out there. But it doesn’t work for me. I’m too shy to get results.”

My brain kept finding proof to reinforce my identity and, as long as I kept believing I was shy, the whole cycle would start again.

I’d keep thinking thoughts a shy woman thinks, feel uncomfortable at the thought of taking action, take action only to the level I felt comfortable too, and get results that matched my identity – not my desires.

Can you see now how you’re always creating your own reality – even when you don’t like what you’re creating?

It’s not your fault. This is how your mind operates when left to its own devices. But once you become aware of it, then you get your power back. How?

The easiest place to start is to choose new thoughts – thoughts that make you feel good about taking action, so you can do what used to scare you with confidence, and finally get the results you want while uplevelling your identity.

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How To Think Your Way To Success (And Reach All Your Wildest Business Goals)

Now that you know how you’re creating your current reality, how do you change it so you can create the results you actually want?

The first step to break the cycle of self-sabotage is to reprogramming your thoughts, which is why so many coaching programmes start with mindset. This article focuses on this step too. But, this is only the first step.

You also need to learn how to manage your emotions, take the right action, and reprogramme your identity, so you can reach your income and business goals faster. If you want access to the entire system, join The Leadership Advantage today.

In the meantime, here’s how to reprogramme your thoughts to create your desired reality:

Step 1: Become Aware Of Your Thoughts

If your thoughts create your reality (and they do!), the first step is to become aware of what you’re thinking. Studies show that a person has an average of 6200 thoughts every single day! Most of these thoughts are automatic, passing through your brain without you even being conscious of what’s happening.

When last year, my coach asked me to record every single thought I had for 2 days, I was shocked to discover how many times “I’m not good enough” came up. “What if I fail at this?,” or “I’m not good at sales,” or “Can I really do this?” were all different flavours of the same “I’m not good enough” belief. It was literally on repeat all day long.

Step 2: Challenge Your Thoughts And Look For New Possibilities

Your brain is naturally wired for survival, so it’s always looking for why something won’t work.

• “I can’t expand into a new niche. I’m not qualified for that.”
• “I can’t go live on Instagram. What if I say the wrong thing and accidentally upset someone?”
• “It’s wrong to charge so much for coaching. People will think I only care about the money.”

Negative thinking and catastrophizing is how your brain keeps you safe from failure, from criticism, from making a mistake, from looking bad – anything that could hurt you.

What the brain never does (unless you train it to) is to think of all the reasons why it WILL work.

• If you think you’re not qualified enough, challenge it and ask yourself, “what experience do I already have that’ll help me do this? What qualifications could I get to support me with this?”
• If you think you’ll upset someone on IG, ask yourself “how likely is it to happen? And if it does, how could I solve that?”
• If you’re afraid of charging high prices, what would be possible for you once you have that extra money?

When you step into possibilities, you’ll realise the worst case scenario won’t likely happen – and even if it does, you can handle it. What’s more likely to happen is that you reach your goals.

Related: Why “I Don’t Have Enough Experience” Is Just An Excuse

Step 3: Reprogramme Your Thoughts

Now you know those thoughts and beliefs are not true, it’s time to rewrite them and create a whole new story. The trick is to do this in a way your brain can believe.

If you go from “I’m terrible at sales” to “I’m the best sales person in the world,” your brain won’t believe it and you’ll be back at square one. Reframing this negative belief into “I’m getting better and better at sales every day” works better because your brain can get on board with that.

Negative beliefs were formed through repetition. You’ve heard them so many times, you stopped questioning them and they became your truth. Now it’s time to do the same with your new positive beliefs. The more you repeat them, the sooner they’ll become your new truth – and your new reality.

Wrapping It Up

Your thoughts create your reality. They influence your emotions, which in turn determine the actions you take, which in turn create the results you have, which in turn reinforce your identity – starting the cycle of self-sabotage over and over again. Creating a different reality all starts with choosing different thoughts – thoughts that support you in reaching your business and income goals.

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