The first time I stumbled onto Emily Williams, the founder of I Heart My Life, I immediately thought:
“I hate youuuuuuuuu! You’ve created MY dream business. Everything about I Heart My Life, from the branding to the mission and the inspirational content is absolutely perfect. And you’re gorgeous too! I want exactly what you have (including your wardrobe). Why don’t I?”
Just kidding. Sort of. I never really hated Emily. I have the utmost admiration and respect for her and everything she has achieved.
But the green-eyed monster did rear its ugly head. I was SO jealous and envious of Emily and the incredible company she created.
So, what did I do? I signed up to work with her.
One of the things Emily teaches is to use your jealousy for good and turn it into inspiration. Here’s how:
Why Do You Feel Jealous?
Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Like all emotions, it’s there for a reason: jealousy shows you what you truly desire.
The problem is that instead of seeing jealousy for what it is, you make yourself wrong for feeling it AND for having those desires in the first place.
You think that feeling jealousy makes you a bad person. Or that wanting what someone else has is wrong. Or that what you desire for your life is too much for you.
Why does this happen?
- You have low self-esteem: You don’t believe you have what it takes to make it happen. You’re not skilled enough, pretty enough, or have the right connections. When you see someone else being successful, you’re reminded of all the things (you think) you lack.
- You’re seeking validation: When your self-worth is based on what other people think of you, seeing other people’s getting recognition, fame, and money hurts. You’re craving the same things because you believe they’ll make you happy.
- You’re afraid other people are taking something away from you: You think that, if someone else has already created your dream business or wrote a book on the same topic, it’s too late for you. Game over.
- You don’t own your desires: You grew up thinking good girls should be happy with what they’re given and not ask for more. When you see someone else go after their dreams, it triggers you.
- You’re entitled: You believe that if you’re a good person or have a talent, the world should reward you without you having to do any work. You keep playing small, waiting for the day the world will recognise your talent. But it never happens. The world only recognises people who put themselves out there, even if they’re “less talented” than you.
How Do You Stop Being Jealous Of Other People’s Success?
You never stop being jealous of other people’s success. Why would you want to?
Jealousy is a compass that shows you what you desire. If you don’t know what you desire, how can you achieve it?
The trick is to stop making yourself wrong for your feelings and desires and use jealousy for good. Here’s how:
1. Figure Out What You’re Jealous Of
When the jealousy bug comes up, get curious. What exactly are you jealous of?
Do you envy a fashion influencer, for example, because you want to be one yourself or because they get access to amazing clothes for free and are invited on all-expenses paid luxury holidays?
Are you jealous of that new online coach because you wished you could coach in the same niche or because she’s fearless when it comes to doing live videos?
In my case, I was (still am!) jealous of Emily because she created a 7-figure coaching business helping women achieve the success they deserve – and she did it in style (did I tell you how much I LOVE her wardrobe?).
If you’re not clear on what it is you actually desire, you’ll never get it.
2. Be Grateful For Your Jealousy
We’re all humans. If someone has achieved something you want to do, that means it’s possible for you, too. So, thank them.
Every time I’m jealousy of someone, I say to myself, “Thank you for showing me what’s possible.”
You can even go the extra mile and send them a thank you card. It’ll make their day – and who knows, you may even make a new friend.
3. Turn Jealousy Into Inspiration
The successful people you envy didn’t get their dream business, their rock-solid marriage, or their influential network served to them on a silver platter.
They built them. They figured what strategies, tools, and resources would get them those results and got to work.
Instead of being jealous of their success, ask them how they did it. If you don’t know them in real life, listen to their podcast interviews, read their autobiography, enrol in their coaching programme (I’ve just joined I Heart Coaching to learn from Emily and herself how to build a successful coaching business).
Find out as much as you can about their journey to success and follow the same steps. You’ll get there, too.
Related: How To Be Successful In Life
4. Remember That Success Is Abundant, Not Finite
Success is not a zero-sum game. Just because someone else has launched a podcast on your area of expertise or created the online course you’ve always dreamed of, it doesn’t mean you can’t create your own version.
Instead of thinking what you want is taken or that you’re too late to the party, think of how you too can do the same thing and put your unique spin on it.
There are enough opportunities, clients, money, and success for everyone. Go get them!
5. Focus On Yourself
I’m all for stealing other people’s success secrets and replicating their journey. But, never confuse inspiration with copying.
You’re one of a kind. You have a unique mix of treasures – your talents, your skills, your values, your personality, and your life experiences – and a unique purpose on this planet.
When the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, it’s easy to go into comparison mode and feel like you’re falling short.
Instead, think of what’s unique about you. What do you bring to the table? How you can utilise YOUR gifts to achieve your desired results in a way that’s aligned with YOUR life purpose?
Other people can show you the way. But you have to leave your mark on it.
Have no idea what your life purpose is and what you’re meant to do with your life? Download your FREE Purpose Finder Worksheet to find out today:
Related: How To Find Your Strengths
Don’t make yourself wrong for feeling jealous of someone else’s success. Instead, get curious. Figure out the desire behind the jealousy and the steps that can help you achieve it. Jealousy is a great source of inspiration, if you use it right.