“What if I spend all this money on this coaching programme and then don’t follow through with it?”

This thought kept running through my mind as I was talking to James to see if the I Heart Coaching programme was a good fit for me.

Deep down, I knew it was. I knew with every fiber of my being that I wanted to be a mindset coach and this programme would give me a proven roadmap to build my coaching practice faster.

And yet…

I told James the programme was too expensive.

I didn’t know if I had the time to invest in it and do the work.

I’d have to discuss it with my partner first.

I gave him every excuse in the book why I couldn’t sign up for the programme.

And James wasn’t buying any of them. He challenged me to go deeper and face whatever was really going on underneath…

The real reason? I didn’t trust myself to follow through.

I had invested in cheaper online courses in the past and never finished them.

I had started passion projects and niche businesses I quit as soon as the passion ran out.

Heck, I couldn’t even keep my promise to myself to wake up when the alarm clock rang so I could start the day strong.

If I invested all this money in this programme, could I really keep this commitment to myself?

When I finally blurted this out to James, he told me this wasn’t a reason not to invest. It was an opportunity to learn how to keep commitments to myself and build the trust that I could accomplish my goals. 

That blew my mind. I had never thought of it this way, but I knew he was right. I wanted to be the person who could trust herself and kept all her commitments, so I said yes to this opportunity.

Do you feel the same? Here’s how you can start building that trust in yourself and keeping commitments to yourself so that, when the right opportunity comes along, you can say yes to it:

What Is Commitment?

The dictionary defines commitment in two ways:

1. The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.
2. An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

If you’re multi-passionate like me, you probably focus on the second definition. Committing to a project, to a business, to a marketing strategy means saying no to everything else. It feels restrictive. Like a prison, even.

In reality, committing to a cause or an activity is freeing. It gets you out of that confused state and into the clarity and focus you need to achieve your goals.

That confusion is self-sabotage, by the way. If you don’t trust yourself to keep your word, then it’s safer to be in a constant state of confusion, never taking action on anything. If you don’t commit to anything, you can’t break your word and feel bad about it, right? Here’s what I need you to understand:

Commitment isn’t a feeling. It’s not something you do when you feel like doing it.

Commitment is a way of being that requires you to be whoever you need to be and do whatever you need to do to keep your word and do what you say you’re going to do.

Why Do You Break Commitments To Yourself?

Is it me or is it easier to keep commitments you make to other people than the commitments you make to yourself? This is especially true if you’re a people pleaser or have low self-worth.

There are a few reasons for it:

• The accountability factor: If you don’t keep a commitment you made to another person, you’re gonna disappoint them. Get in trouble, even. Somehow, disappointing yourself doesn’t feel as bad.
• Social rewards: When you put everyone else’s needs before your own, you’re praised for being a good girl, a reliable colleague, a loving daughter. But, when you dare to prioritise what truly matters to you, everyone calls you selfish…
• Lofty goals: I’m all for setting big goals, but when they’re so big to be unrealistic (6 figures in 3 months, anyone?), you’re setting yourself up for failure. Do this over and over again and you’ll become convinced you’re just not the type of person who can achieve anything in life. 

Related: How To Stop Worrying And Start Taking Action Towards Your Goals

What Happens When You Break Commitments To Yourself?

In the moment, breaking a commitment to yourself doesn’t feel like a big deal. You’re not disappointing or upsetting anyone. You’re not getting in trouble. You may even be told you’re a good girl for taking the time to help someone else instead of working towards your dreams. 

Win. Win. Win.

Except…

You’re losing the most important thing of all.

Every time you break a commitment to yourself, you’re losing a bit of trust in yourself. 

Your brain uses the past to predict your future. Every time you break a commitment to yourself, your brain has proof that you can’t follow through with things. So next time you’re about to make a commitment or doing something new, it scans its past library and reminds you of all the times you didn’t follow through. Why would this time be different?

Before you know it, you’re stuck in a vicious circle. You’re not taking action towards your goals because you’re afraid you won’t follow through. And you can’t build the “follow through muscle” without taking action towards your goals.

Breaking your commitments to yourself may feel harmless in the moment. In reality, it keeps you stuck where you are and robs you of the business and life you’ve been working so hard towards.

How do you get unstuck?

The How To’s Guide To Keeping Commitments To Yourself

Keeping commitments to yourself takes time, dedication, and integrity. Here’s what worked for me:

1. Mindset Reframe: Keeping Commitments To Yourself Isn’t Selfish

I used to be the girl who dropped everything whenever a friend asked me for help – and then resented them for it. Now, I just tell them I’m busy right now, but I’ll be happy to come round and help them later. Selfish? It certainly felt so the first few times I did it. But I still did it. Why?

Because keeping commitments to yourself and staying true to your word is an act of self-love.

You’re showing yourself you can trust yourself to keep your word.

You’re proving to yourself you’re the kind of woman who can achieve everything she sets her mind to – and still help out her friends. Few things are so urgent, they can’t wait a few hours. 

Mostly, you’re proving to yourself that your dreams and goals matter, too. When you put other people first, the message is: my work isn’t important. My calling isn’t important. What I want isn’t important. I am not important.

But you matter. Your dreams matter. There’s no one else out there who can do what you do in the same way you do it. You’re here to build a movement, make an impact in the world, change people’s lives.

You can’t help the people you’re meant to help if you keep putting yourself and your vision last.

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2. Set Your Environment Up For Success

The biggest mistake that keeps people from reaching their goals? They rely on willpower.

Willpower doesn’t work. For anyone. Ever.

What works is systems. Creating an environment that supports your goals, so you don’t give up at the first hurdle.

One of my goals was to wake up at 5:30AM sharp. I’m a morning person and waking up an hour earlier would help me get more done while I’m still fresh. I’d be in bed by 9:30PM… and then promptly proceeded to check out Instagram, reply to emails, watch a couple of videos on Youtube… By the time I fell asleep, it was past midnight. No way could I wake up at 5:30 after that…

I knew I couldn’t rely on willpower to keep me off my phone. I had tried that and miserably failed.  Instead, I’d leave my phone in another room just before getting into bed. This way, if I really wanted to check out Instagram, I’d have to get out of my cozy bed and walk all the way to the kitchen. I couldn’t be bothered to do that.

If you want to start working out, prepare your clothes the night before. If you want to spend a couple of hours a week working on an online course, schedule that time in your calendar.

Set up your environment so that breaking the commitment to yourself is harder than following through.

3. Find Your Why

Keeping your commitments to yourself isn’t about having time. It’s about having integrity (this is something James taught me in the programme, by the way).

I don’t have children yet, but I know that, as a mum, I’d never let my baby cry in the middle of the night. Doesn’t matter how tired I am, I’d get up and cater to his needs. I know you’d do the same.

Why? Because helping your child even though you’d like to get more sleep is in integrity with your identity as a mother. It’s who you are. You couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

That’s the kind of dedication your commitments need. You need to rewire your identity, so you become the leader who keeps all her commitments.

This kind of dedication needs a why. Why are you working towards your goals? Why does your business exist? What contribution do you want to make in the world? When you’re truly connected with your why, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your commitment and create your vision.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like it, if a friend calls you to go out, if you’d rather do something else… Doing anything else but what you said you were going to do isn’t in integrity. When you’re that person, breaking your commitments just isn’t an option anymore.

If you don’t know how to do that, join The Leadership Advantage. It’s a proven system to help you rewire your identity, become a finisher, and follow through on your word, so you can reach your next income and business level in 90 days. Click here to join us.

Wrapping It Up

Keeping your commitments to yourself doesn’t have to be hard. Reframe your mindset, set your environment up for success, find your why and you’ll become the person who always keeps her commitments.

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